Their Journal's
by dannyboy
Summary: POST CHOSEN. CHAPTER 3 IS UP! This is a look at life post-sunnydale through Journal entries. Will be mostly based around Xander and Dawn though.
1. Of love and sorrow

Xander Harris' journal entry as of 9-4-03  
  
"Sometimes, in my life, there are things that not even the supernatural forces of the hellmouth can explain. This is one of those things. I don't know how it happened, or why, but I do know it happened. Now, after the battle and the destruction of the hellmouth, I am still without an explanation of how, just with a realization of why. I love her. As I stand here on the balcony of some cheap hotel in Arizona overlooking a beautiful desert scene she waits for me inside. My love, my life, my Dawn, is waiting for me. The once worthless lacky Xander Harris has found someone to love him that he can love in return, with no barriers holding them back. Now, I think it's time to let her in on how much I love her, because I can't live another day in silence. I've seen my former life destroyed in mere moments, and I saw it from the lack of depth perception, perception. I don't want to wake up one day, and roll over in my bed and see anyone but her. I want her to be there from now until the end, whenever that is."  
  
Dawn Summers' journal entry as of 9-4-03  
  
"I don't know why Xander and I share a room, but I can't take much more of it. If I roll over and see that adorable look on his face one more time, I swear I don't think I will be able to contain myself. Sometimes when I am staring, he'll wake up and give that goofy, cute smile, and I melt. I can almost swear that I can see something in his eyes when he looks at me. I hope that this isn't some teenage crush, because it feels to right. Now only if I could get Xander to see me as a woman, instead of the little girl that he has known for so long. I want him to take me in his arms and kiss me like I've never been kissed before. I want him to take me. I want Xander Harris. I love Xander Harris. Now if only he could see it. I wonder why he's been on the balcony so long?" 


	2. Of quiet days and nightmares

***Ok, I'm going to apologize now. I meant this to be a one or two shot fic, but I think it'll turn into something more. So, the first chapter, is now a foreshadowing of the future. The next couple of chapters are going to touch on how they got to that position. This is a new idea for a fic for me, so please excuse the short chapters. Enjoy the reading though, and please review.***  
  
Dawn Summers' Journal Entry June 1, 2003  
  
"Everyone is quiet. We left Sunnydale nearly a week and a half ago and no one has come out of the shock yet. L.A. is great and all, but we're packing up in a day or two to head to Cleveland. Thank God for Angel allowing us to stay at the Hyperion, there was really nowhere else to go to regroup. He and Buffy seem buddy buddy, but no lovey dovey, he even made a joke that made Buffy laugh. Something about 'cookie dough', I didn't get it. Buffy's went into a brood that must make even Angel jealous though. She is mourning, what else would anyone expect. My roommates, are all slayers, so they're no longer my roommates. I wanted to be around someone normal, so I now room with the also brooding Xander. Although it may seem odd that I sleep in bed with Xander, it all started simply to help. He shook at night with nightmares, and one night I slipped into bed with him and just hugged him. He, in his groggy state, mumbled something about the fight he was obviously engaged in, in his dream. He was obviously trying to save Anya, and knowing full well he couldn't. I held him for hours, until he finished the dream. His tears broke my heart, and as he woke, he broke it even more. He felt the arms around him and I unknowingly broke his heart as well. He whispered, "Anya, thank god that was a dream." When he realized it was me, he tried to backtrack realizing that I know I've caused him pain. But then, he stopped. He then commenced to sit straight up in bed and actually talk about everything that was hurting him. Then, the thing that'll stick with me forever, he thanked me for being there for him, even when he didn't know it. What he said next changed some things, he asked me to stay, sleep with him (not sexually), and keep him safe. So I have ever since. He doesn't know it, but I do so because, he keeps me safe as well. After I saw Sunnydale crumble, after the battle were I lost my friends and family, I need reasons to live. Now he's it. Spike would laugh and Anya would scoff at our current bedding arrangements, but both would understand. I just hope Buffy can find her reason to live now, cause just going on to Cleveland to fight and find slayers isn't enough. God, I wish everyone wasn't so damn quiet."  
  
Xander Harris' journal entry 6-1-03  
  
"After I lost Anya, this time for forever, I didn't know if I could go on. What in this world could prepare someone to lose someone you love, even when in our line of work we have to quite often. There's nothing I could've done, I know that, but my dreams don't. I didn't love her enough to marry her, but I loved her. She wasn't my forever, but she was more than a friend. Now, she's nothing but a memory. I dreamt of her last night, I could feel her presence. I fought valiantly against Bringers and vamps alike, but in the end, she still died. When I woke up, I found something amazing. Arms were wrapped around me, protecting me from whatever harm would come my way. I made the mistake of saying a name, the first name that came to my mind. I truly believed it was her. I whispered Anya. But it wasn't her, and the arms that held me, belonged to a beautiful lady nearly in tears. She knew that she had hurt me, while trying to protect me. She knew that I thought she was Anya. But, it didn't hurt me. I tried to explain that to her, but I could see it in her eyes. So, I told her everything. Told her of how I felt, and how I hurt, and about all the things I would have told Willow long ago. It's been along time since I've been able to open up to anyone like that. She's something special. Dawn doesn't even know how special she is sometimes. I want her to stay in that position, of holding me at night. That way while she thinks she's protecting me, so I can protect her. Because, the demons of our pasts are not going to take us now, I won't let them. She's enjoying my company, if not for anything else but the conversation. Everyone's just too quiet. And thinking of quiet, what was up with Broody boys joke about cookie dough?" 


	3. Of new lives and cookie dough

Dawn Summers' Journal Entry 6-15-03  
  
"Two and a half weeks and we're still here in L.A., and no one knows why. Everyone figured that we would have shipped out by now. Wes and Giles have come to some agreement on how they will build and lead the new watcher's council. The new slayers have all started to head off on their own. Some back to their homes, some out into the world to protect and serve. Of course, they'll stay in touch and will eventually be provided watchers. Willow and Kennedy split up, no one saw that one coming, lol. Buffy and Angel have started to get a little more intimate since we arrived. They're out fighting the night in record breaking fashion, with the help of Angel's newly aquired company. I don't know how that happened, I don't really even want to ask how Angel became the head of a company that large. Andrew left today, saying something about going back to the ruins of Sunnydale to try and recover pieces of whatever hope remained. He tried to make it sound all brave and valiant, but I know he's just going back to try and find his comic collection. Angel's crew has taken to the scoobies, and if not for the hellmouth, we might stay here. Hell, I want to stay here. Faith and Willow are staying here. Faith wants to stay and help rebuild the watcher's council with Wes, something about making sure another, "Faith situation," didn't occur. Willow wants to stay because of Fred, who would of thought Fred and Willow would of, oh wait, so much in common, who could of missed it. Robin is staying, he and Gunn have formed a tight nit pair, and he wants to stay close to Faith. Robin also has a new principal job here in LA, Angel pulled some strings with his company. Cordelia is gone, all Angel would say was that she was in a safe place getting taken care of, and then walked away really upset, Lorne told me not to ask. Now Lorne, there's someone I can get along with. He read me yesterday and wouldn't quit smiling. I told him I couldn't sing, but I sung some Sex Pistols song that Spike had made me memorize the summer Buffy had died. Lorne mentioned something about Spike, then something about Andrew, it was all weird. Then he smiled really big and told me that I was going to be happy in the future, and did so with that wink and nod that let you know he meant more than that. Everyone is starting to come out of their grieving stages, slowly, and conversations are getting easier. The building is full of laughter. Angel has given us free reign of the hotel, hell, he told us we could have it and live here.  
  
Speaking of laughter though, my bedfellow has found his smile again. He wakes me up every morning with some kind of joke or silly face. We tickle fight some nights and some nights we talk. Even Xander's serious side is funny, and, kinda cute. He thinks I'm special, he tells me so everyday, and beautiful. Buffy and Willow noticed our rooming situation and got nosey, but backed off after I explained his nightmares. Of course, I didn't mention he hadn't had one in weeks. He told me that I reminded him of someone, but couldn't remember who, and then he told me, I remind him of his dream girl."  
  
Xander Harris' Journal entry 6-15-03  
  
"I woke up this morning and had an epiphany. I don't have to be sad anymore, I have a best friend that won't let me be. So I woke her up and just laughed with her for forever. I've been having some odd dreams lately though, and it makes me wonder if my bedding situation is ok. I'm beginning to dream of her. She's laying right beside of me, and yet, I'm dreaming of her. She is my life now, and I think I'm going to ask her to stay in LA with me, when everyone leaves. We have the hotel free of charge thanks to Angel. I can't even put into words how sorry I am for ever giving him or Spike such a hard time, but then again, I'd never tell them that. I told Dawn though, that I did like Spike, he had almost became like that brother that you fight with to me. Oh yeah, Willow and Buffy talked to me about sleeping in the same bed with Dawn, they were wigged. Some reason though, they backed off. I don't know what's up with that. Oh, Angel and I actually had a conversation about things, and I never could have imagined we could get along so well. Oh, and Buffy's cookie dough, lol. I'll never let her live it down." 


	4. Of setups and realizations

****I'm kind of getting turned off to posting my work, because I'm not receiving any reviews. For those of you who do review, thank you soooo much. But if you do read my story and don't review, please, review it. It doesn't have to be good, I can take my lumps as well as the next man. For those who have reviewed, I hope this goes as well as I want it to. I have a bad tendency to lose interest in stories and leave them unfinished, mostly due to lack of interest from others. So, I'm working hard to get over the lack of reviews, and trying to continue being as good a writer as I can be (which is lousy to say the least).****  
  
Dawn Summers' Journal Entry 7-15-03  
  
"Finally, we're finally setting a date to leave LA. Not that I really want to leave, I just don't like having indecision cloud my way. Buffy and Giles came to the conclusion that everything was set up well enough that she could head on to Cleveland and start collecting and training new slayers there on the hellmouth. She even has a home that the NEW Watcher's Council is paying for. Buffy seemed hesitant at first at the idea of working FOR the council again, even if it was ran by Giles and Wesley. But, to convince her, now Xander, Willow, and Angel are all part of the leadership. Faith and Wood are staying for sure, as is Xander. Willow is leaving with Buffy, as is, much to our surprise, Fred. Willow and Fred made the announcement the other day that they were now an actual couple. It was odd watching Willow be the aggressor in a relationship for once, but it all worked at awesome. Gunn introduced me to his girlfriend the other day as well, she was gorgeous of course, I think her name was Gwen, after being informed she was miss electric, it's hard to remember names. Lorne and Xander have struck an odd friendship, seems they compliment each others sense of humor. Lorne actually got Xander to let him read him. Lorne smiled widely and told him some of what he saw, but wouldn't tell him everything. I never knew Xander could play the guitar before, much less sing like he did. My heart melted as he sung some country song by Kenny Chesney, something about wishing he was the tin man. It was sooo sad and you could see there was something missing in his eyes as he sung. After that, we had a really serious talk, and Lorne decided that we needed a night out to get away from the hotel. Only, when we got to the restaurant Lorne had stood us up, on purpose. He left a note saying that we needed to talk. The rest of the night and then on has been one long blur of emotions."  
  
Xander Harris' Journal Entry 7-15-03  
  
"My God did Lorne ever set me up. Dawn and I had a real date last night. It wasn't suppose to be, it was supposed to be dinner with friends. But when we were left alone in the romantic setting, conversations turned, and soon we were holding hands over the candlelit table, eyes locked in an entrancing dance. I'm sure I could've told her I loved her in that moment, but I can't, that would just be wrong, wouldn't it? My lord Xander, she's barely eighteen and you're wanting to be with her. But even after all this thought of age and such, I still come back to the same thought, I could've told her that I loved her. I think I'm falling for her and I can't stop myself. I wake up to her every morning and want to hold her, I go to sleep at night the same way. I can tell she's in a room now by nothing more than a scent or sometimes even a vibe. She gives off such a different vibe than anyone else I've ever been around. I'm quickly becoming tangled between my convictions and my desires. Everything in me tells me this would be wrong, to be with Dawn. But, something inside me tells me that I'll never be right without her, I don't know what to do."  
  
Dawn Summers' Journal Entry #2 7-15-03  
  
"Xander started to say something before he went to sleep, and then just blew it off as if he was going to say nothing. But his eyes, his eyes were telling me something. I think he feels what I'm feeling. I think I'm in love. Too bad I'm having to leave for Clevland in two weeks."  
  
Xander Harris' Journal Entry 7-16-03  
  
"I woke up this morning and realized, I'm going to have to ask Buffy to let Dawn stay. I can't lose her, I can't let her walk out of my life. But how do you ask someone, hey, will you leave me your little sister? God, I have to do something." 


	5. Of loud mumbles and shimmers of hope

***First off, sorry it took so long to update and then I'm sorry this is so short and choppy. If I do ever manage to finish the journal sections of this, I want to move it into a story with journal side notes. I was kinda lost when it came to this story, but I think I've found a way to make what I want to happen, work. Happy Hunting, enjoy the small piece of update that this is, cause with me you never know when you'll get another, lol.***  
  
Buffy Summers' Journal Entry 7-30-03  
  
"That's it, Buffyworld is officially closed. My best friend just asked me the only question in this world, that I could never had expected. Xander wants Dawn to stay in LA with him? I don't get this. I mean, I know they were spending a lot of time together and all, but, why would he want her to stay. I can't just leave her here, can I? I mean, she is eighteen and all, but, she's not ready to be without me. I wonder if I'll ever know what's going on in her world?"  
  
Xander Harris' Journal Entry 7-30-03  
  
"It's raining today. How odd, the day I finally get balls enough to ask Buffy to keep Dawn here, and it starts raining. That can't be of the good when it comes to omens. I asked Buffy, but I didn't explain anything. Maybe she'll just see it as one of those Dawnie is growing up and ready to live her own life things. Then again, I am thinking of Buffy, she's probably thinking about how Dawn still needs her. The last two weeks have been awkward. Dawn and I haven't said a lot to the other, after the date that night and knowing that we could be worlds apart soon, it's just too much."  
  
Dawn Summers' Journal Entry 7-30-03  
  
"So Buffy was storming around fussing about something and I heard her talking to herself. How narcissistic does one have to be to ask advice from ones self anyway? Moving on, I heard her telling herself that Xander and her had held a conversation about me staying in LA, then she mumbled something about Xander asking. It was confusing. A lot like the last two weeks. We are two inches apart every night and every morning, but we're worlds apart. We both kind of drew back after dinner than night, I think we both realized that there was something there, but we may have to move on soon. I don't want to, move on that is, I want to be here with Xander. I'm perfectly content to be LA girl, perfectly content to be Xander's, if he'll just quit being so worried about the future."  
  
Andrew's Journal Entry 7-30-03  
  
"I've been back here for what seems like forever now. Sunnydale has been all but abandoned since it's collapse. I did see a dog the other day, it looked to be rabid so I kind of went the other way. I've found so many things I would have never wanted to find, mostly corpses. I have almost given up my search, thinking it was futile but somehow I've continued. I've been back searching for hope, searching for the one true sign of hope left in this world. I found it late last night after digging for at least a month. Underneath the rubble I found it, and I'm taking it back to LA to bring hope back into all our lives."  
  
Willow's Journal Entry 7-30-03  
  
"Fred was telling me something funny last night, and it made me think. She was telling me how Lorne had sent Dawn and Xander out to eat a couple weeks back. Then we got to recounting all the times we have seen Xander or Dawn, and realized, we haven't seen one without the other all summer. In fact, they share a bedroom, hell a bed even. Then it dawned on me, their in love. My Xander and little Dawnie in love? It doesn't make sense, wait, actually it makes all the sense in the world actually. They fit well together, I just never, no, no one ever allowed themselves to think it before. Yet, here we are years into our journey's and we have found the fork in the road that some of the others have veered off on. Buffy is lost in thought with the move and council and such, Angel is being Angel and off somewhere in his brood wonderland, and I've kinda been preoccupied with my love life. But, I see it now. They're even going through denial at this very moment, they're suffering because they know they'll be split apart in a month. But, I did hear Buffy muttering something about her and Xander talking. I hope she didn't figure it out, she may kill him." 


	6. Of Incantations and Surprises

***Hello hello. Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter up, RL finds a way too kill you everytime. This story is going slower than I like. I'm hoping that when I catch up to the date I set at the beginning, things will go easier. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, it's not focused as much on Dawn/Xander, but has some in the end***  
  
Andrew's Journal Entry 8-1-03  
  
"I finally made it back early this morning. No one knows I'm back yet though. I snuck in while everyone was asleep and have been working on bringing back hope. I found his jacket, part of it anyways, and his ashes. Now, with just a proper hero's incantation, our hope will be back."  
  
"It's been hours now, and I'm ready to finish this. All I have to do is say the incantation. I do wonder how everyone will react to this, but I don't care. This is right. This has to be the right thing."  
  
***Actual Actions***  
  
Andrew laid his journal aside, and walked back to the bowl which held his 'hope.' He lowered a final ingredient into the bowl, lit a match and dropped it in. The bowl's contents started to sizzle, and then caught fire burning pure white. "I call upon you, fallen hero, cross back across the threshold. Your time on Earth fulfilled for others, time will be given to you as a second chance. Hero, come forth from your hell and be flesh and bone, be a man again, be SPIKE!"  
  
The contents exploded in a bright white light, and when all the smoke cleared, there he lay in the place of the bowl, Spike was back. Andrew reached to touch his shoulder and was startled when Spike reacted and grabbed Andrew's hand. "Touch me and die." Spike said with a slight note of irritation in his voice. Spike then took notice of his positioning and his surroundings, and the fact that he had no clothes on. "What the bloody hell is going on here?" He asked Andrew with more annoyance.  
  
"I brought you back." Andrew said with almost ashamedly with his head lowered trying to ignore Spike's glare.  
  
"So, I wasn't dreaming then, I had died. Oh hell, Buffy, where's Buffy, is Buffy ok?" Spike started to stand and once again realized he was naked. He covered himself with one hand and ran his other through his gel-less hair.  
  
"She's here. But, uh, she doesn't know you are. I kinda brought you back myself."  
  
"Wouldn't 'av expected them too, not with the results they got last time. But she's here. Wait, where the soddin' hell is here?"  
  
"Los Angeles, in The Hyperion."  
  
"Oh hell no, don't tell me she ran right into his arm's, not after that. I give my soddin' life to save her and she runs right back to Tall, Dark, and forehead."  
  
"No, Spike, it didn't happen like that, I mean, that didn't happen. She brought everyone here to regroup and get cared for."  
  
"How long ago was that mate?"  
  
"Uh, a little over two months ago. But, she's supposed to be leaving for Cleveland tomorrow."  
  
"Clev.oh bloody hell, another hellmouth, right? Can't even upset the balance of bleedin' power. Listen boy, do you have anything for me to put on myself, or am I going to have to go to her stark naked?"  
  
"Um, I went and bought these." Andrew then handed Spike an exact duplicate of the clothes he had wore his final day of the battle. "I figured you would like those."  
  
"You are a weird little man, you know that? But thanks."  
  
Andrew stood, turned towards the door and opened it. "I'm going to be standing outside here, come out when you're ready. I'm going to have to go with you and explain what happened, and hope that they don't kill me."  
  
Dawn's Journal Entry 8-2-03  
  
"We were supposed to leave today, I was packed and, well, kinda ready to go. But then something happened that not even the most hellmouth experienced crew expected. Andrew showed back up, with Spike. Spike, um, the dead vampire with a soul that died saving the world. Buffy went into hysterics for the better part of the day yesterday when she opened her door and there he stood. Andrew tried to explain to her what had happened and how he had brought him back and he was trying to explain how he shouldn't be punished, but, Buffy didn't hear anything he said, she was kinda off in her own world with him, with the man that died for HER. Everyone gathered up for a scoobie's meeting, well, a meeting of the minds from both crews. Everyone had their take on the situation, especially Giles who laid into Andrew pretty hard about tampering with forces that he shouldn't. Surprisingly, the two biggest supporters of Andrew came from Spike's former two foes. Angel and Xander came to Andrew's defense. They all had there time to talk to Spike, and well, Buffy, cause she wouldn't leave his side. A startling discovery was made not but minutes into the meeting. When an argument flared up between Giles and Angel, Spike started to blush. No one really seemed to notice but Angel. Angel stopped mid sentence, walked over to Spike, and raised his arm as if too take a pulse. Funny thing, he did. Apparently, not only did Andrew bring back Spike, but he brought him back human. I don't know what any of this means, except, the moving date has been pushed back another month. Which is OH SO OK with me. Another month of being with Xander."  
  
Xander's Journal Entry 8-2-03  
  
"I've been given a second chance by some power to do the right thing today. Spike was brought back into this world, and I supported him and Andrew for it. Come to find out though, Spike is no longer just Spike, he's human. Buffy's off in her own world right now, and moving is going to have to wait. Maybe this will help me. I know this will help her. Even Angel was happy, which is odd, he hates Spike and loves Buffy, yet was happy to see the two together. I think Angel has gone a little looney in his old age. But, to see her truly happy again, well, truly happy for the first time that I can remember is enough for me. This has caused some rumblings in the power structure of the New Watcher's Council, but I think once time passes, it will clear up. It's been a long day, and I want to see my bed buddy, so to bed I go. Maybe we can figure out a way for her to stay here if I ask her. Hum, maybe I should've asked her first? Oh well, guess I'll find out now won't I?" 


	7. Of new days and past fears

Dawn Summers' journal entry as of 8-15-03  
  
"Well, we're off in a month. Plans are out and we're ready. Add Spike to the traveling crew, and employee of the new council. Oh, and new member, well soon to be member, of the Summers clan. Buffy and he are so giddy it's sickening, and even Angel's happy for them. Frickin' Angel! It's wild. Xander said that he was going to make the trip with us now, but wouldn't be staying in Cleveland. I still don't know what's going on with him. We will be so close at moments, and then it's like he runs away, withdraws. Almost as if he's afraid of something. I don't really know. I know that I'm crazy for him, and that's about it."  
  
Xander Harris journal entry as of 8-15-03  
  
"Lorne had a talk with me today. Well, it was more along the lines of 'your aura's screaming, sing for me' type deal. For some odd reason I chose Dave Matthews new song, 'Stay or Leave.' Funny enough, that was again a very appropriate song according to Lorne. He told me my subconscious chose the song for a specific reason. He nailed me on the wanting Dawn to stay bit and about the part where I'm now heading to Cleveland to try and take my time to ask. I've been having another problem though, and I didn't really realize it until Lorne pointed it out. I'm withdrawing from Dawn, out of fear that I will lose her like I did Anya, oh, and the other ten thousand relationship fears I have via my wonderful dad. I'm going to have to do something, Lorne said that if I get to Cleveland, then it's too late for me. Something has to happen."  
  
*****Actual Action*****  
  
"So, the plan is to leave on the second of September. You'll be traveling to Arizona first though, there is a slight rise in vampire activity in a small border town that we feel needs to be eliminated. We would send one of the trainee's, but the only ones that are already trained well enough are either stationed already or holding down the Cleveland Hellmouth." Giles was in his element. Once again in charge of his slayer, this time though, in charge of them all. "Cleveland's home office has been set up," Giles saw Angel flinch at the name 'home office' and decided to change terms, "I mean, base of operations. You're home, Buffy, had been completed and will have several extra rooms, just as you requested. Everyone else, you have already been briefed."  
  
"Giles and I," Wesley started, "are moving our LA base of operations into the fifth floor of Wolfram and Hart's offices. We have also aquired the Cleveland branch through some maneuvering on our parts. So, financial issues should be non-existint. Also, if there is any problems, we'll have a direct link setup through the offices."  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot," Giles piped back in with his glasses in hand, "Buffy, Spike, the finances have been earmarked for your wedding in December. You are still going to have it here right?" 


End file.
